The Marathon Runner

It begins with excitement...

Not too long ago, we held a workshop for beginner couples.
We were excited. We always do. It is a good, pleasant excitement.
Even with a thousand more workshops we will go on with it.
It is an excitement of joy.

Couples stand at the door and the hug already tells us a story.
Some arrive with self assurance, openness and expectancy.
Others arrive with heavy anxiousness.
Who will be active? Who will remain dug in the trenches?

We like opening our workshops with some movement, music, dance.
It is easy to identify those who have a rough time.
Even those who try and hide it under a facade of "all is well",
they can't forge their movement.
Remember? We dance as we live!

...and continues with a struggle.

When the actual practice begins, suddenly it arrives.
We catch a glimpse from the corner of our eye.
There is a struggle, mostly concealed one.
At most times it is the man versus the woman, but not always.
She's fearful, uncomfortable, seeking to withdraw, diminish.
Body language and the look in the eyes reveal a bit.
Many times only we can detect it.
She's having a hard time in opening up to the practice.
Often, it is when we approach working in the nude,
or working on contact with other people.

He wants it so much. He has been waiting for it for so long.
At home, he was trying to convince her for such a long time.
Reading on the Internet, impressed and excited,
he told her about it, waited, expected.
"It will do us good, you'll see. It will renew our fire"
She was afraid, not really excited, not feeling ready yet.
But he pressed and pushed so much, nagged her, expected, wanted...
Finally she gave up, somehow became convinced.
What if he's right after all?
So she came, running scripts through her mind:
"What will be if...", "What will happen when..."...

Now he is disappointed, full of frustration.
We catch all those tiny hidden nuances.
He pushes her, whispers in her ear,
trying to expose some skin, remove a piece of clothing,
without being seen, concealing.
...and she - totally besieged and cramped,
pulls the cloth back to its natural, protective place,
her body squirms under his touch.

We approach quietly, whispering in their ears,
reminding her to remain loyal to her own good,
not to give up on herself,
restraining and moderating him, well, at least trying to.
Explaining calmly, attempting to clarify.
But mostly it ends with a disappointment,
sometimes evident frustration,
even in a fight.

The Big Bang

Sometime ago we had this nice couple.
She was the one who insisted that they can handle an advanced couples workshop.
It turned out that she lived in her own movie, disconnected.
They arrived and participated.
He continuously kept fighting himself and covered up.
We saw and perceived it, but he denied.
At some stage, another man only touched her leg,
but it was like open flame next to a barrel of gunpowder.
The poor guy just could not contain himself.
He literally teared her away from there and they went home with a huge blast.

The Marathon Runner.

We explain what is going on and provide an allegory.
Imagine yourselves participating in a running race.
One of you is the Marathon runner.
He's in great shape, a running champion. This course is nothing.
In the story of the Rabbit and the Turtle - he's the Rabbit.
The other one of you is a real Couch Potato.
You are determined to run this course, but together!
Should you run at the Marathon runner's pace,
the one in lesser shape will start, make an effort,
but soon enough will run out of breath, eyes popping out,
another moment and he faints.
As if to irritate, the Marathon runner looks back, calling:
"Well? What goes on? Why are you not trying?"
"Not trying??? One second more and I'm dying here, on the course!"
On the other hand, should you run at the Couch Potato's pace,
without him making a serious effort, where would it get you?
You will both accumulate a huge frustration.
The Marathon runner will feel as if not moving at all,
while his partner will feel as if restraining the other.

Olympic Training...

So, the one who finds it easier is the Marathon runner.
He can lower himself to a slower pace of running,
but one in which his partner is still making an effort,
still trying hard, slowly building up to great shape.

Some would probably question:
"If so, isn't it simpler to find someone in great shape too,
another Marathon runner, running together at the same pace?"
The answer is a bold "NO".

There are many aspects in life where our balance tips over.
One will be more sexually daring while the other more emotionally open.
One is strong in the financial arena whereas the other is a champion in social networking.
One is excellent in analyzing a situation to the smallest details,
but his partner is amazingly able to view things from a holistic paradigm,
able to catch the birds eye view.

There will never be a situation where "we are both champions of the world in everything".
Moreover, we are dynamic creatures, changing.
Sometimes we run forward, sometimes we stop or even back off.
As an Arab proverb says "Youm Assal, Youm Bassal" -
One day is Honey, One day is Onion.

So if you wish to run together, as this is most fun,
learn to identify those places where you are the Marathon runners.
Hold on a bit, take you foot of the gas pedal.
But it would be worthless without a transparent, sharing communication,
so that your partner would also know what's going on.
Give a chance to your partner to know and choose to make an effort to advance.

And if you're looking for Olympic coaches,
we know this couple... :-)

Have a pleasant running.